Wednesday, March 5, 2014


Everybody needs somebody they can depend on whether it's a shoulder to cry on, a person to tell them when theyre fucking up or even someone they can count on to get them home after a rough night of partying.

This week the DOTRT picked five fictional characters that they'd like to have as their ULTIMATE wingmen.

Halo Seraphim's Top Five

Leia Calderon Top 5 characters I would like to be my wingman/dd:

Fat Amy (Pitch Perfect) - not only is she hilarious, she would be able to diffuse any situation that comes her way.

April (Parks & Rec) - that deadpan humor is in sync with my own, so any night with her would be equal parts hilarious and definitely one to remember.

Damian Wayne (Batman) - he would deliver a well placed kick to the ass when needed AND be totally capable of driving a car were I to get drunk in his presence.

Hermione Granger (Harry Potter) - if my efforts to woo a gentlman prove unsuccessful, she can probably offer some delightful tip found in a book...or if i get drunk, brew up a dope as fuck hangover cure.
Tony Stark (Iron Man) - no explanation needed.

TOP FIVE WINGMEN BY The Taffeta Darling

Top 5 Characters I'd like to get DRUNK with.

5. Harley Quinn, Batman/DC Universe
This could go one of two ways: Either she is a fun, happy drunk and we do crazy things like fire pop-guns and throw flash bangs and playing with hyenas, or I'd spend the night holding her while she sobs over Mr. J and the fact that I won't let her drunk-dial his loser ass.

4. Daryl Dixon, The Walking Dead (TV)
I have this weird, uneasy attraction to Norman Reedus. He's dirty and rough with stringy hair and a terrible goatee thing, but it's ridiculously hot for some reason. They also write Daryl as such a badass, and then they have him hold a baby and it's all MY OVARIES ARE EXPLOADING. HUSBAND, PUT A BABY IN ME-- woah! We'd probably end up in bed, and things would be itchy a couple days later, but damn. It'd be worth it.

3. Wilfred, Wilfred
He's a giant talking dog. With an Australian accent. He also gets blazed and humps stuffed animals. If you don't think that shits funny then GTFO.

2. Rosalyn, American Hustle
Okay... So this is kinda outside our parameters for these lists, but OMG. Rosalyn is a hot mess. She is a true Jersey Girl (before Snooki and JWoww tarnishes the reputation of Jersey Girls everywhere) and totally crazy. She is a risk taker and challenges The Man, testing the limits of Science [ovens]. I'd love to be day drunk with her.

1. Tony Stark, Iron Man
Do I really need to explain this one?

Top 5 Wingmen
By Taylor Elizabeth

5. Ray Gillette, Archer
This sassy gay man would be the ultimate wingman. He'd be brutally honest about whoever you're trying to bed, know the right things to say to get them interested in you, and your desired targets would be unlikely to overlap.

4. Wilfred, Wilfred
To Ryan, he's a dude in a dog costume who can talk. To other's, he's an adorable dog. It's perfect. Wilfred plays adorable doggy, attracts babes, and can talk to you about them/listens to you. The bad news? He's a talking dog so unless you have nice, thick walls and can keep him out of the bedroom, the sex will be AWKWARD.

3. Captain Jack Harkness, Doctor Who
Capt. Jack - the ultimate playboy. Race, gender, or species doesn't matter. If someone is hot, Jack will appreciate it. So, while you're hitting on the boring human, Jack is chatting up her Silurian friend. But then he'll probably have already hit on the human. And the dude bar tending. And everyone else in the bar for that matter...

2. Detective Kevin Ryan, Castle
Ryan makes his partner, Javier Esposito look good. Ryan is clean cute and mild mannered to Epso's wild, badass bad cop routine. And with a wife at home, you know he won't be fighting over which girl he gets to take home. He'll talk up his partner, then quietly slip away into the night.

1. Sir Charles Brandon, 1st Duke of Suffolk (The Tudors)
When you're best friends with the King of England, you've gotta be the perfect wingman. Arrange his side-action will get you far in society. It also means that when you hate your friends wife, you may get to have a hand in her beheading (Sorry, Anne!).